Memoirs of my life

2006-12-10T19:24:00.000+08:00

Finally updated my blog after a long long time. xD I've decided to use this blog again. Hrmm... I've been to the Youthquake camp for 4 days and it could be the BEST camp I had ever been to in my entire life!!! =] It seriously rocked. I made so many friends, gained lots of experience and so much more. At first, I was a little put off when I saw the camp site... (It was a NS training campsite at KKB~Scary!) But it turned out to be a blast. The pastor was great too. This was how the camp went according to me:

Day 1

I arrived at Esther's house around 9am in the morning. We celebrated Michelle's b'day one day late with a tiny cake that Amanda brought. Fast forward to later. Esther's mum brought us to KL Wesley and from there we took a bus to the campsite. (Yeah!!!!) Reached there around 4-5pm? and then we registered and went to our respective dorms. I was in dorm H1 with Michelle! Woot~ And I was in Yosia, the same tribe with Amanda. Ain't I just plain lucky? Nyahahaha... LOL. After taking a shower and unpacking, we were briefed about the rules and regulations of the camp. Then it was time for dinner and later on, session 1 began. The pastor was a great guy, he kept making us laugh, his talks were interesting and his name is... Shawn McDowell. (Sorry if I spelt it wrong... Aiks!) Group discussion was right after that, and I got to know my 'family' aka small group. It was a barrel of laughs as we talked crap from our favourite Mc Donald burgers to spiders courtesy of one of the helpers in charge of logistics, Miss Elaine Toon. I skipped supper and then went to bed. I made friends with another girl from the dorm named Elaine too. She was nice and we always smile at each other when we pass by. (Hahahaha... I'm crazy.)

Day 2

Rise and shine at 7.00 am. We woke up and went for breakfast. Mmmm... Nice. xD After that, we had devotion and then worship. Session 2 started and after our break, we went to our respective workshops. I had the workshop I wanted, "Surfing the technology wave" without drowning in it". Michelle wanted that too but unfortunately, she didn't get it. (Bwahahahaha... I'm evil.) The first part was a lllliiittttlllllleeeee boring, but after lunch, things started getting better. I went there a tad too early so we talked to the person conducting the workshop and looked at some stuff on his pc. There was a really FUNNY video about road safety. So A.D.O.R.A.B.LE neh! ^-^ I laughed till my sides ached. The second part of the workshop was more interesting, I and Wee Kiat crapped a lot there too and after that it was break time! We had some activities that bore me to death (It was a talk from Methodist College) and then it got exciting when we played many fun games. I became a wolf in one of the games... But I don't know the name of the game though... The blindfolded people CHEATED!!! When we touch them they weren't supposed to move to let us spin them but they did! CHEATER!!!! Later on it was wash up time. The bathrooms are disgusting and dirty. Sobx. (One of the weak points of this camp.) Later on was dinner, worship then session 3. Weeeeeeeeeeee~ Another day has passed. Two more days to go.

DAy 3

I woke up at 5.30am due to the noise some of the noisy dorm mates were making. It was a BLACKOUT and everywhere was pitch black. (Yikes!) Me and my friends managed to brush our teeth and wash our faces with the help of a girl holding a torchlight. Then we went to the canteen area and worship started not long after. After breakfast (Breakfast was horrifying. The 'char kuey teow' tasted SOUR!!! Yuck!) was devotion then it was time for... the OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES!!! *Cheer cheer clap clap* We were divided into our tribes and we had 4 challenges, the hard(or was it heart?) challenge, the soul challenge, the strength challenge and lastly, the mind challenge. The soul challenge was a little painful due to the 'caterpillar' station thingy. (My poor legs felt like it was being cut by the ropes >.<) But the 'water-balloon' station was nice because I got to get WET! Then we were given free sandwiches and water. Nyahahaha... The strength challenge was next and boy, it was great fun. Climbing up walls, swinging on ropes, balancing on bridges... It really rocked. After that it was time for lunch. Munch brunch crunch... ^-^ Next, it was the time for the mind challenge! We had to do a presentation, build a 2 feet base out of straw to support an egg, and we had a word-search thingy. Then, it was the hard/heart challenge... Nyahahaha. It was the most fun among the 4 challenges. We got muddy and wet and DDDDIIIIRRRRTTTYYYYY! Wooootttttt~ We had to have 10 disabled people while doing that challenge and I became one of the mute ones. Ssshhhh... Downside is that those EVIL guys keep teasing me because they knew I couldn't scold them back. o.O" Those challenges were loads of fun and left us all exhausted. When we finally finished, we went back to our dorms and took a shower. Then it was dinner and worship. There was no group discussion for that day. Instead, we just talked and walked around the canteen. Our curfew was extended to 2am since it was the last night of camp. Yeah!!! We partied and rocked out to the worship band till 12am. I started to get a massive headache so I went to a less noisy place to calm myself down. Later on, it was poker poker poker all the way. All right! xD Black jack, cho tai di, cheat/bullshit/bluff??? were our chosen games. The wages went on higher and higher, as the loser had to eat twisties, (Isn't that a pleasure?!! Roar!) then we proceeded to slaps, (Ouch! >.<) and finally... DARES. Nyahahaha... Muahahahaha... Wakakakaka... Bwahahahaha... Waha- *cough cough* haha- *cough* ha. I was just about to be dared when... It's lights out! Weeeee~ Saved by the time. Kekeke... =P Last night of camp already... Sobx. Time flies when we're having fun.

Day 4

I woke up at 6 something and started packing my stuff. It was the last day of camp, and I didn't want to go back home. I want to stay longer...!!! Nnnnnnnooooooo... Lol. After breakfast, devotion, worship,session/PDP... It was time... To... Snap pictures...!!! *Cheer* I took lots and lots of pictures of me and my dear fellow friends. Hehe... Then, it was finally time to go home. My friends and I sat on the bus and said a last farewell to the yputhquake camp. Sayonara, au revoir, zai jian, selamat tinggal and goodbye till YOuthquake 2010! By then, I will be 18 already and it'll be my 2nd and last youthquake camp ever. Sad, isn't it?

And so ends my experience at the Youthquake camp 2006. It has been a blessing to have been there and I will continue to grow in the footsteps of God. This has been another amazing experience and I hope that I will be able to meet my newly found friends again. To Auntie Katherine, Uncle David and all my friends, Fern Yi, Melody, Amanda, Esther, Michelle, Bowie, Niklaus, Raymond, Aaron, Elaine, Eugene, Ithrana, Ai Mie, Derek, Andrew, Freddie, Eu Vin and many many more.... I shall never EVER forget you guys. Nyahahahahaha... Peace Out.

~YoUtHqUaK3 aDd!cT~

2006-11-13T22:11:00.000+08:00

Miss Boey Miss Boey Miss Boey... What do you want from me? Last time, you asked Michelle and Yee Rou not to stick with me and Esther because we are 'bad influences'. Now you tell me not to stick with Huixin, Pei Chyi and their gang. So what do you want me to do? Dump all my friends and be alone? Sigh... You want to spend more time with me? I don't think I can handle it. T.T Anyways, I don't have any idea on what is happening now. Haiz... Everyone seems to be in a bad mood nowadays. Oh yeah, IGNORE my last post...!!! It's all crap again. I tend to crap a LOT when I'm feeling down.

[I]c3-Cr3aM

2006-11-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

Arrhhhhh... I did the worst mistake of my life EVER. The 1st and only time I decide to break the rules, I get in trouble. The worst thing is, I got my friend into trouble too because I was the one who asked her to bring her phone to school. So much guilt... I can't take it!!! Please please please don't tell my parents... They'll kill me. Sobx. Sigh... But it is my fault after all. I can't blame it on anyone but me. Besides, Miss Boey wasn't that bad... At least she never called our parents straight away. >.<" I'm sorry to all those who got into trouble because of my foolishness. I'm so so so so sssooooo SORRY...!!! By the way, I sucked as a choral speaking conductor. Sobx. Michelle said I was so cute and I was like... What the? Conductors aren't supposed to be cute...!!! Then Suet Yan said I was cute too because I looked so innocent and blur. Honestly... Me? INNOCENT?! Ah well... My class is going to lose anyway. They forgot their lines for goodness sake!!! Sheesshhh... Remind me never to be the conductor again. Sucks for those who got me into this mess.

~GuIlTy As ChArG3D~

2006-11-06T19:19:00.000+08:00

Okay... Screw wateva I said in my last post. It was just a bunch of crap. Muahahaha...? Someone said I have a unique way of thinking. O.o Wat the...? Lol... Anyways, Michie thinks Kurtsie is ssswwweeettttttt.... Awwwww.... Ain't that great? Nyahahaha. I think I'm gonna play FLYFF again... Maple is juz... Dumb... And weird... Anyways, RayIyn is back playing too...!!! I absolutely lurve her... >.< She's my sis in flyff last time and we almost had the same identical names...!!! Freaky...!!! Lalalalala~ Anyhows, I gotta go play flyffie or maple... Excusez moi for my broken grammar. Too lazy to type. xD

2006-11-02T16:08:00.000+08:00

I give up. I surrender. I don't want to do this anymore... I want to return to the past when we were just friends. I regretted asking you who you liked. It was pure bliss being with you at first. I just never realized the pain that came with it. Our relationship is breaking apart now. Hanging on to the last threads that threathens to break, all hope is lost and gone. You used to love me but now, even you don't have that answer. Ask yourself, do you still love me? Somehow, I don't want to know the answer. It hurts being with you, but it hurts even more to be without you. Either way, it's a lose-lose situation. I love you too much to let you go. If you really stopped loving me, please, by all means, tell me now. Tell me before I fall for you even more. I wish somehow we could patch things up and everything will return to normal. But I don't think that's possible anymore. Relationships come and go. Yes, I know that, but it's just too hard to take. After all, you are considered as my first love. You are the only person I have ever loved so much that I don't think I can live without you. Alas, everything is about to end. Eventhough you never said anything, I have a feeling that our relationsip won't last long. No one will ever be able to comprehend the pain I'll go through to set you free. Maybe there is a better girl for you out there. After all, no one deserves to have someone like me. I had always been alone and maybe it's my destiny to be alone forever. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. I've loved you, I still do, and I'll continue to love you till the ends of time.

PS: I, Hikaru Izumi Alexia Evangeline Momoe Chan, solemnly vow that I shall never fall in love again. It's too painful to bear with.

~CrYsTaLlIn3 t3ArS rUnNiNg DoWn My FaC3 As I gAz3 uPoN tHiS uNhApPy PlAc3~

2006-10-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

[Above] Newest cash items in FLYFF: The tuxedo and pink dress sets. =)
I seem to have fallen in love with FLYFF Online again. Their cash items are to DIE for!!! Nyahahaha... Lol. I wanna have their pink dress set and the bunny ears, and maid set, and many many more. Hehe. Anyone can buy them for me? Pretty pretty please? =3

~In LoV3 WiTh FLYFF~

2006-10-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

I'm in a really WEIRD mood today. I don't know what's wrong with me. Can anybody tell me what's wrong? I feel rather depressed somehow. Sigh... Life is really weird. Can't I be normal for once? I really honestly don't know what's wrong with my mother either. When I raise my voice a little while talking to her, she claims I'm screaming at her. Then when I don't reply, she thinks I'm ignoring her and I'm rude. So I tried being nice and yet she still acts so badly towards me. With my brothers, it's all smiles and soft-spoken while with me, she speaks with an angry tone. What kind of justice is this??? I really try my best not to hate her but I just can't. She never cares about my feelings and she ignores me most of the time. All I want is a KIND and LOVING mother. Is that too much to ask for? Even if she hates me, at least acknowledge me as a human. I'm not a speck of dust you know. I have feelings too!!! Huh...

~B3InG iGnOr3d~

2006-10-13T17:38:00.000+08:00

I'm BACK!!!! I'm finally back... My stupid computer crashed and I couldn't go online for the past week. I missed playing WMO and chatting online. Haiz. Everything is gone from my computer. EVERY single thing!!! All my pictures, songs, avatars, games, projects... Damn it. I had so many items unsaved and in the blink of an eye, everything vanished. Sobx. Anyways... My exams are finally OVER!!! Yeah...!!! My happiness cannot be expressed through words. After all the pressure I've had going through all my exams... I'm finally out of my nightmare!

Today:
The day started quite okay but as time passed, it soon got worse. I had a nagging suspicion that my akachan's ex-girlfriend is still in love with *him and today, I'm starting to think that she really still does. She has another boyfriend now but yet she still likes my Akachan. What the hell?! Now my akachan says he's very confused and all... Does he have feelings for her too? Aargh... I feel like crying so so much. I trust him, I really do... but my stupid brain keeps thinking about stupid things. Haih. I went to Bowie's house after school today and read 'Hot Gimmick' volume 5. Very very nice to read. I lurve Shinogu!!! He's sssssooo handsome. Hahahaha. Then Ying Ying and 2 of her friends came and watched a really scary movie. It was about leeches possessing human bodies or something. Eeeewwww... I absolutely HATE scary movies. I only watched a bit cause I knew I'll have nightmares if I watch more. >.< Anyway, before I went home, Bowie told me to be careful. She thinks that... Ehrm... Someone might start to like me if I'm not too careful. I didn't really get what she means but even if someone else really liked me, I'll still stay faithful to my beloved Akachan!!! Nyahahaha... Lol. Oh yeah, boys can be really irritating at times. I passed by the basketball court on the way back to school and there were guys playing basketball there. They kept on saying "Hi", whistling to me and bla bla bla... I ignored them and kept on walking but their shouts only got louder. Can't they see that I'm NOT interested? So LAME. That's pretty much what happened today. One last thing... I want back EVERYTHING on my computer!!! Sobx sobx sobx.

PS: I cut my hair after constant nagging from my dear 'auntie' Jo Ann. It looks sssooo weird on
me. I actually look like a kindergarden kid now. Oh well, what's done has been done.
Everyone thinks I look cuter now though. What happened to my old matured self?!

PSS: I honestly truly can't live without you. If you are gone one day, I will pray for your
happiness eventhough I've lost mine. As long as you're happy, it's all that matters. I've
always been alone and maybe I'm destined to stay alone.

~ChILdIsH iNnOcEnCe vs. MaTuRiTy~

2006-10-01T00:20:00.000+08:00

Life life life. Life is really complicated neh. Haizz... Oh well. At least I don't feel that sad today anymore. I honestly love Water Margin Online!!! Especially when I get to lvl up really really fast and get lots of items. =) A big thank you to everyone who has been helping me lvl up and giving me free items. Unfortunately, next week I have to stop playing due to my upcoming exams. Sigh... I HATE exams. >.< Ecpecially maths. I HATE MATHEMATICS and the boring old teacher who's teaching me. Hmph. Lol. Nyahahahaha. I like laughing like that nowadays. I don't know why either. I think it's because my mental illness is getting worse. Rofl. Anyways, I gotta go play WMO now. Tataa.

~MeNtAlLy ILL~

2006-09-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

Haiz... I feel so emo today neh. What's wrong with me?! Michelle Lim Sheng Rong where are you?!!! I'm waiting for you to play with me la. Lol. Watashi no shujin told me about the possibilities of liking another and told me to tie *him with rope. =x I really want to break down and cry sometimes. Is it not enough that I have so many family problems? Do you have to add on love problems for me too? You're the only person I have in this miserable world. If even you leave, I'll just perish and die all alone. There won't be anything left for me to live for anymore. Do you know how many times I felt like commiting suicide? I can't stand it anymore. If I knew we were going to end up like that one day, then I should have never liked you in the first place. Stupid stupid heart of mine. I know I can't compare to other girls. I know I'm not as pretty as them, I'm useless, worthless, good-for-nothing. So why did you fall for someone like me when you might fall for better girls sooner or later? My frail heart can't stand this kind of pain anymore. Help me God. Bring me to the right path. I really don't know what to do. >.<

~TrU3 LoV3 Is NoThInG bUt Li3s~

2006-09-28T23:08:00.000+08:00

Haihz... Another day where my mum is in one of her bad moods and as usual, I'll get scolded. Sobx. I really don't know what I want anymore. What are my goals in life? What is my purpose in life? I can vaguely remember them as something from the distant past. Everyday I indulge myself in online gaming, losing track of time, studies, even life. What on earth has happened to me? I'm like a drug addict, craving for online gaming to satisfy myself. >.<" Help me somebody. Help me and bring me back to my long forgotten dreams before I perish and die. Miss Boey is right, I'm surrounded by demons and possessed by melancholic souls.

~FoRgOtT3N dR3AmS~

2006-09-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happened yesterday other than the fact I slept at 4.15am just to finish my long ago abandoned projects that I had to pass up today and tomorrow. At long last, it's finally done. Phew. Anyway, I have to ask you all a question. Am I pretty? I know this is a stupid question but I want to know the truth. Almost everyone I know keeps saying that I'm pretty and all that, but is it really true? Or are you just trying to flatter me? Hmm... Even if I am really pretty, what's the point? It's no use being pretty on the outside when I'm a total wreck on the inside? Haiz... I'm being my usual depressed self again. Old habits are hard to change. >.< My exams are coming soon and yet I don't have the mood to study. Help me, God. HELP ME!!!

PS: I do feel happy when shujin says I'm pretty though. Aaaahhhh... The art of
flattery. Muahahahaha. xD

~DePr3sS3d FoR b3iNg Pr3TtY~

2006-09-25T20:48:00.000+08:00

Today was a typical day in school. Nothing much happened, but I found out that Huixin was working as a waitress last Saturday at the same restaurant I went to on Friday and... She was wearing a SKIRT!!! Damn it, why didn't I go there on Saturday instead?! I missed a once-in-a-lifetime oppurtunity neh... Sobx. Lol. I finally got her to promise me that she won't smoke or take drugs. As for drinking beer, well... I'll have to work on that. I'm so so so happy today! I finally made my 1st blogskin! Well, actually I stole someone's html codes and just pasted my editted picture there but... It's still considered mine. Bwahahahahahaha. xD If you want to see it, then go to http://lostinmyownfantasy.blogspot.com. It's one of my blogs that I use to test out new blogskins. Huixin said that she'll let me see her wear a skirt next year if... If something lor. I can't tell you all what it is because it's a secret. Shhhh... =x

I lurve lurve lurve my akachan neh. *He's sssooo kawaii! ^^ I want to hug him and be with him every single day of my life. =]

~HiKaRu <3 AkAcHaN fOr3V3R~

2006-09-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ My blog layout is finally done. Phew. All my hard work in completing in this blog had made it so worthwhile. I know this blog is a bit too bright for my personality but I've decided to become a happier person. Lol. Like that'll ever happen. Still, I'm trying to stop thinking about negative thoughts all the time so try to help me people. My projects are still uncomplete and I only have approximately 2 days to complete them. Shit shit shit. I better stop now. Tataa.

~[I]c3-Cr[3]aM~

2006-09-23T16:59:00.000+08:00

I'm officially in LOVE with editting pictures!!! It's sssssssssooooooooooo fun. ^-^ Especially when they turn out really nice and people praise you for all your hard work. Hehe. Exams are coming and all I do is waste my time editting pictures? I haven't even finished my projects either. =x I'm such a lazy pig. Hmm... Maybe becoming a graphic designer is fun after all. Designing websites and all that for a living is pure bliss. xD

~In LoV3 WiTh Gr@pHiCs~

2006-09-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

I went to a restaurant today to watch some kind of weird cultural performance? Anyway, I met two waitresses there who were students from St. Mary! I don't really know them well, but they seem to know me. I think. One of Huixin's tomboy friends were there too. She serves well as being my eye-candy. Hahaha. Nothing much happened in school today... Huixin was absent and the reason shall reamin unknown. Lol. I didn't play Water Margin today because of the dinner and all so... I have to play extra tomorrow to make up for lost time!!! Haiz... French class tomorrow and I don't feel like going. =x Gotta go now. Tataa~

~L@Zy PiGgY~

2006-09-21T17:07:00.000+08:00

Life is good when I'm with the one I love. =] Whenever I'm with *him, I don't even have to fake a smile because everythime I see him, I can't help but start smiling. He's just ssoooo ADORABLE! Hehe... I sound like a lovesick fool. Lol. Anyways, my mum said that she doesn't even like talking to me now. Well, guess what? I don't like talking to you too. You say I piss you off but the truth is, you're the one who's making me pissed off every single day of my life. Why can't you just be a loving mother for once? Why do you have to talk to me like you're scolding me everyday? Why do you act as if I'm just a speck of dirt in your eyes? Are you really my mother? If you are, then why do you treat me so differently compared to my brothers? Haizzz... I don't want to care anymore. I don't want to hate you. I guess it's because I'm a useless daughter. I know I can never live up to your standards. I'm sorry mum. I'm sorry for being so worthless. I'm SORRY!

~WoRtHl3Ss In H3R eY3S~

2006-09-20T18:32:00.000+08:00

Weeeeee~ After a few long and tiring days filled with gloom and sorrow, I'm finally cheerful again. ^-^ My family problems are getting worse day by day, but I don't really care anymore. As long as I have my shujin back by my side, I'm already contented. I'm still filled with doubts and insecurities about *him, but I've decided to just live for today and not worry about tomorrow. I'm tired and sick of thinking too much but I know that I'll start thinking a lot of crap again soon. I can't really help it because my brain's like that. Haiz... Anyway, even when we do break-up one day, I know that I still have my friends and my 'families' to support me. By 'families', I mean my school and online game families. My real family will never care a damn about me anyways. Exams are coming soon and guess what I'm doing? I'm sitting in front of the computer the whole day, submerging myself into my fantasy world of online gaming. I know I have to wake up and face reality soon but I still don't have the courage to do it. Can anyone give me courage? I'm pushing myself further away from God day by day. I really want to go back to Him but yet I keep commiting sins over and over again. I really feel guilty but right now, I'm already doing something that God does not like yet, I can't bring myself to stop it. Please help me God. Teach me what to do.

PS: Mummy, don't worry too much. Even if your suspicions do come true, at least you'll have me by your side. I can't help you ease away all your pain, but at least I'll try to make you feel better. Your 'family' will always be there for you even when no one else will.

PSS: I honestly, truly, really LOVE my shujin! =]

~Lo$t In F@nT@Sy~

2006-09-19T15:23:00.000+08:00

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck my life, fuck my family, fuck everything in this stupid world. I don't even want to care a damn about my life anymore. Don't I have enough problems already? Yet, everyone keeps adding more and more pain and sorrow into my life. Am I not miserable enough for you?! Online gaming is the only escape I have from reality but now my mum doesn't even let me play anymore. Do you really want to see me in pain everyday, huh?!!! Everytime my mum says something, she suceeds in reducing me to tears. All I do is cry and cry every single day of my life. Sure, you might think I'm strong and tough on the outside, but on the inside, I'm just a useless coward. I hate myself. My friends tell me not to commit suicide, but is there anything worth living for in my life? All I have is pain, sorrow and hatred. I'm sick of crying, tired of giving fake smiles and telling people that I'm alright. I don't want to hide myself behind a mask of pretence yet, what can I do? I'm only doing this to prevent myself from getting hurt even more.

Love. Love is such an absurd word. Why do humans have to fall in love anyway? They just end up gettting hurt and some even commited suicide because of it. Haizz... I tend to fall in love with the strangest people. Of all people to fall in love with, I fell in love with a delinquent??? Oh god, why am I so stupid? What happened to my fantasies of guys who excel in their academics, sports and music? All of my hopes, fantasies and dreams have dissapeared in the blink of an eye. We have nothing in common at all, and being together is torture for the both of us. Awkward silences, blank stares, communication problems... etc. Yet, I love *him too much to let him go. Am I being selfish? I honestly think that I am. All I want is to be loved and to love in return. Is that too much to ask? Is it a sin for anyone to love someone like me? Maybe it is... Maybe I just don't deserve a happy ending. Fairytales shall forever remain as fairytales. They'll never come true.

~ShAtT3R3D hOp3S aNd Dr3aMs~

2006-09-18T21:38:00.000+08:00

I hate:

x People who smoke
x People who drink
x Good-for-nothing people
x Delinquents
x People who break the rules

Yet, I can't help but love you. Do you know how much it breaks my heart just to see you like this? I really want to give up and die sometimes. I really can't stand it anymore. At first, I thought you were changing for the better. Then, you started changing back into your old self. I was really dissapointed in you. But most of all, I was dissapointed in myself for not being able to turn you into a better person. I really hated myself for loving you. Aaaaahhhh... I really don't know what to do anymore. Help me God!

By the way, I want to thank my sister Michelle and my mum Esther for supporting me through thick and thin. And a special thank you to NakedBaBy18, chaos88, RascaL and ICEbebe for making me laugh. You all are the best. I love you all so so so so much! Heh... ^-^

~DyInG oF a BrOk3N h3ArT~

2006-09-17T18:02:00.000+08:00

Weeee~ I'm lvl 36 ade... I'm so happy leh... ^^ I love all my wonderful friends who have helped me lvl up. Thank you so so much! NakedBaBy18 thank you for asking me to join your party although I bring many problems to you as I keep dying. You people are the best. =P Anyway, my exams are getting nearer everyday, but yet I never have the mood to study. Haiz... I really don't want to fail, but it looks like I'm going to. Help me God! Give me the strength I need to stop myself from giving in to temptations... >.<"

~TeMpTeD~

2006-09-16T17:25:00.000+08:00

I spent a few hours in my brothers' school after french class today. Haiz... I was bored to death there and when I started to talk, my mum asked me to shut up or she'll slap me. At least Pei Ling and a few other St. John members from our school was there. Anyway, I'm getting really fed up of my life. I want commit suicide sometimes, to end all my sorrow and misery. Yet, I don't know what will happen after I die. Will I go to Hell for commiting so many sins and not fulfilling my duties as a daughter? I really don't know... I really want to believe that there will be a better tomorrow, but sometimes I feel like giving up. Can anyone save me from this world of sorrow and hatred? Life's nothing but a pack of lies...

Shujin, don't leave me here all alone... I'm afraid that I'll perish and die here in this world without hope.

~BrO'k3N' $OuL~

2006-09-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

Weeeeee~ I finally have my hero...!!! My life in the game is SO much easier with a hero. Although it isn't the best type of hero (It's a silver xie), but it's still useful to me. I can just sit and relax in the game now and wait for my hero to kill everything. xD My life is fun fun fun... Lolz... I love my hero and I love Water Margin Online. =P It's worth spending RM50 on eventhough I'm nearly bankrupt.

~H3RoS rUl3~

2006-09-15T18:05:00.000+08:00

I spent RM50 on Mol Points for Water Margin Online today...!!! Argh... I'm going to be bankrupt soon. Sobx. After buying the items I wanted online, they sent me a receipt. The trouble is, where are the items I bought? Don't tell me they're going to send it by post...? If they are and my mum finds out, I'll be in serious trouble. Today, I followed Huixin to her house to take her basketball and suddenly a bus passed by and Esther said Miss Boey saw us together holding hands?!! We didn't even touch each other... >.<" If my mum finds out that I went out of school, I'm going to be dead meat. Haiz... Relationships are really complicated. You can't live without love, but love breaks your heart into a million pieces sometimes. Life is like an endless roller-coaster, filled with ups-and-downs.

~CoNfUs3d~

2006-09-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'm in a very emotional mood today. Haiz... It all started when 'someone' told me something and then my useless brain started thinking about all kinds of crap again. >.<" It's always the same thing almost every single day. I really hate myself for being like this.

Even when you've stopped loving me, can you lie to me and say that you still do?

~HeArT bRoKeN~

2006-09-13T22:46:00.000+08:00

Oh no... I'm addicted to online games again!!! >.<" I thought after flyff, I wouldn't play anymore but... My 'daddy' gave me the Water Margin Online cd and now I'm hooked! Aaaahhh... My exam marks are going to suffer for this... Sobx. I really want to study but somehow I can't. Help me somebody! Friendship problems are driving me crazy. I didn't mean to exclude her in anything but... Whenever we talk about games... We tend to forget about other people. T.T I'm really sorry to have made my friends bored with our gaming chatter. It's just that we like games...? Ehr... I also don't know how to explain.

~AdDiCtEd GaMeR~

2006-09-12T18:40:00.000+08:00

Attention!

Buying true happiness for $1.99. xD

I'm currently searching for true happiness. Can anyone bring me happiness? Life's like that. There is bound to be sorrow in this world. What I don't understand is, why do I have more sorrow than anyone else I know? No matter whether I am, even when I have something I've always wanted, there is still a fake smile on my face. What is wrong with me? Can anyone tell me this? All I want is to be happy but yet I can never seem to be happy. I say I love online games. Well... That's true. I love online games, but that's because online games are like an escape to me. I can be whoever I want to be in the game, unlike reality where I have to act like someone I'm not. I'm really tired of this mask of pretence I put on every single day. Someone save me from this abyss of despair I'm in.

~FaKe SmiLeS~

2006-09-11T20:11:00.000+08:00

Exams are coming soon!!! Oh shit shit shit... >.<" I never studied at all. I'm going to fail my end term exam! Sobx. Anyway, it was another typical day in school with the teachers droning on and on about endless subjects that made me bored to death. Zzzz... There will be no more club activities from now on so I can't stay back already. T.T There's a specific reason why I like staying back but the reason shall remain unknown. Lol. Nothing else to say for now. I'm busy adding finishing touches to my group's history powerpoint presentation about Dato' Bahaman. Tataa~~

~ExAmS sUcK~

2006-09-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

Phew. After a few hours of swimming, I am now back home, writing my blog once again. Swimming isn't so bad, it's just tiring and it makes your skin all wrinkly like an old grandmother's skin. Lol. Anyway, there was a big group of guys there who seemed to be looking at me for a while. *ehem ehem* I'm not really sure, but they seemed to be looking my way. Anyhow, I just want to say... I LOVE Water Margin Online!!! It's so so so fun and nice to play. xD Thank you so much to my little 'sister' Michelle for letting me leech exp off her in Maple Story! Hahaha... But I'm going to let her leech off me when she downloads Water Margin Online so I guess it's fair. I want to get married in the game but my shujin doesn't want to play. Sobx. >.< Anyone want to get married with me in Water Margin Online or Maple Story? Lol. Just joking. That's all for now. I'm off to play my games again. Weeeeeeeee~

~GaMe FrEaK~

2006-09-10T14:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday:
I woke up late for french class! I was busy playing maple story with Michelle the night before, so... Anyway, nothing much happened yesterday.

Today:
Went to church today,and they talked about Trinity. 1+1+1=1?!! God+Jesus+Holy spirit=1. I don't really understand what they were trying to say, but they put on a really nice play. I was laughing till my sides ached. xD Still doing my lame school projects after so many days and I still haven't finished. Haiz...

~ScHoOl SuCkS~

2006-09-09T02:28:00.000+08:00

It's alreay 2.43am but yet I'm still awake when I have french class tomorrow. I'm sacrificing my sleep to accompany my dear little 'sister' Michelle in playing maple story. Lol. Actually, I'm just sitting on a chair waiting for exp. Hahahaha. Anyway, I am now writing my blog out of boredom. Haiz... I dunno what to write also. I give up. I shall continue my conquest in playing maple story. Toodles~

~MaPlE sToRy~

2006-09-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

Today was just another typical day at school. I slept in class as usual and went for recess, then I slept some more for the rest of my classes. Lol. Huixin got caught by Pn. Charanjeet again about her hair and she got pulled to the vice principal's office. Someone told me she cried but I didn't manage to see her after school. Poor thing. *sayang sayang* xD Anyway, I went for CF and they were talking about Gideon from the bible. Then Miss Boey said that we should serve the CF instead of having the CF do stuff for us. Well... As much as I hate to admit it, she is right in some ways. I've decided that I'm gonna practise the guitar and someday help out in CF as a guitarist or something. Anyway, that's all for now. I don't really have anything interesting to say.

P.S.: No matter what happens, I'll always support you even if it breaks my heart to do it. Nothing else matters as long as you're happy, my kawaii shujin. <3

~HiK@rU~

2006-09-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

Parents are supposed to love us and care for us right? Well... In my case, they don't. Instead, all they do is reprimand and scold me for EVERYTHING I do no matter right or wrong. My mum loves talking bad about me to my younger brothers or dad, telling them how worthless and useless I am in a LOUD voice for me to hear. What kind of mum is she? People think that we're a happy family and all that just because we're a little richer than the average people, but that doesn't mean we're a perfect family. Sure, we might seem like one on the outside, but on the inside, my family has shunned me away. My mum LOVES telling me every single day that she doesn't like me at all and that I'm a selfish, lazy, useless person... etc. She suspects me of stealing her money when none of it was missing and she says I'm a liar and she never believes anything I say. No matter how I try to please her, it is never enough. I'm really tired and fed up with my family. My mum hates me, my brothers constantly irritate me, and my dad listens to everything my mum says. My mum adores my brothers and even when they do something wrong, she never talks about their bad traits. FUCK my mum. She makes me cry almost every single day with her cutting remarks and scoldings. Hello?? I have feelings too you know! Haiz... It's no use telling the truth to my mum cause she'll never believe it. Fine, I'll just lie about everything I tell you from now on since you wouldn't believe me anyway.

Yesterday:
My brother was using the computer and I told him to play less time because I needed to use the computer to do my school projects later. He went and tell my mum, and she starts mumbling all over again. She told my brothers that I'm worthless, selfish and useless bla bla bla... and called me 'the person' in a really LOUD voice to make sure that I could listen to whatever she says. Now I don't even have a name anymore. Then she went and tell my dad that I don't even let my brothers use the computer when my youngest brother was just playing games on it just now. All I did was ask him to play less and she went and create a total lie. Fine, since she said I didn't let my brothers play, so I stopped my other brother from using it. Urgh! She really gets on my nerves. I HATE MY MUM!!!

As I've said... I'm an unwanted daughter. I read a book today about the memoir of an unwanted chinese daughter titled 'Falling Leaves' and I started crying. It was a really sad story. I know that many people in this world might be much unhappier than I am, especially those with evil stepmothers, but... It really hurts when the person who gave birth to you says that she hates you. If she hated me so much, why did she give birth to me in the first place? My 'home' is not a home anymore. It's just a house where I eat and sleep in. I don't have a place where I belong to at all. My heart has an empty void in it with nothing to fill it up. Family love doesn't exist in my life.

~UnWaNtEd DaUgHtEr~